I got 99 dollars and I need a lawnmower....

POW its off to the walmart! WTF? I don't get it, you can buy ANYTHING(and I mean, anything walmart sells) for 99 dollars. Generally, if I want something, and I don't want to pay more than 100 bones, walmart hasn't let me down. Now, I didn't buy the 99 dollar lawnmower today, but I swear there was one sitting there, and I would have bought it, but fortunately I had already sold myself on spending up to 200$ on a lawnmower, which coincidentally is still ass-cheaper than just about everywhere else in the known universe. Go ahead, I challenge you to find a lawnmower for 214$ at some place not owned by the walmart conglomerate. It has to be gas powered, mulching and self propelled.

"But wait!", you say? "Matt! You hate walmart, you say they are the great satan and they are ruining america from within! You can't shop at walmart, it goes against everything you stand for!"

To quote the dead milkmen "This is only a half truth". It is true that I hate walmart. Its also true that shopping at walmart goes against everything I stand for, except one ideal "Don't spend more than 100 dollars on anything, if you don't have to", and quite frankly, that's about all I stand for these days, well, that and solid nutrition/exercise programs. Everything else is unimportant.

The last benefit to shopping at walmart is that they don't sell ANYTHING that is too big to fit in my car. Nothing, not a tv stand, couch, table, weed whacker, wheelbarrel, or lawnmower. Its all packaged quite well by those little chinese kids. They're masters of packing things, that they are.

So anyway, soon my neighbors won't hate me anymore because I have a lawnmore that works, and I'll cut my grass regularly. I might even weed whack.

Now, I clearly spend too much time at the local quiznos. When the sandwich girl looks at you and says "What, no bundt cake tonight?", its obvious that you have a problem. Of course, with my "new outlook on life"(tm), I choose to believe that she remembers me because of my overall sexiness in relation to the rest of the valley, and not because I eat an excessive amount of prime rib sandwiches.