Got some time to kill, and my blog is my axe.

I'm playing poker tonight, and I have a few hours before that, and I'm trying to resist the call of quiznos, so I'm gonna blog. First off, I'm not going to be able to resist quiznos...I was able to resist quiznos yesterday because "I don't eat quiznos on tuesday", but I do in fact, eat quiznos on wednesday, so I'm all out of excuses.

Secondly, I think I've come up with a pretty good million dollar website idea, I'm not going to write it here, because someone will steal it, but its good. If you'd like to know more, please paypal 2$ to getrichquick@mattsawesome.com. Anyone can do it from the comfort of their own home using nothing but their PC, a letter opener, a 6ft extension cord, and a turkey baster. Act now, this market is about to EXPLODE!

Thirdly, I haven't seen a midget, talked about a midget, fought with a midget, ran from a midget, or played catch with a midget in quite some time. This leads me to believe that the Internation Midgets League and Association of otherwise Short People, or IMLASP for short(haha short) has given up on their crusade against me. To the midgets of the world, I say "Don't be hating cause I'm tall."

Disclaimer: You won't get rich quickly using anything I tell you, but if you wanna send me 2$ anyway, go ahead, but not to the address above, that's fake. Email me for my real address.

Birthdays, bleh days.

Why do we need an annual reminder that we're getting old, and that our lives are running out? There's nothing graceful about getting old, regardless of how gracefully you do it. I don't want to be a crabby old man who needs to pee in a bag attached to his waist, and I don't want to accidentally crap myself every so often, but that's what I'm heading for and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Somebody needs to get their asses working on the neural interface to my robot body sos I can live forever and not crap myself in my elder years.

I don't want to loose my hair, or break my hip, or need fake teeth, or stare at a wrinkly version of myself in the mirror. I don't want to need a walker, and I don't want to think its cool to hang out in the men's locker room completely naked with my boys hanging down to my knees....yeah, old guys do that in the men's locker room, its nasty.

Sheesh, if 28 is hitting me this hard, I might not even wake up for 30.

FINISH MY ROBOT BODY DAMMIT!

Balance

The Tao is the definition of balance, and all things in existance are balanced against it, including itself. It is not freed from the requirement simply because it creates the requirement.

Often, we use the terms "good" and "evil" to define things in life. The Tao does not punish evil deeds any more than it rewards good deeds. Good and Evil are man made definitions, and their meanings are subjective. A muslim crashing a plane into a building will believe that he is doing a great good, while those that die believe that he is doing a great evil. For this reason, as taoists, we ignore good and evil, and give it no power. If you give strength to good, then you validate evil, and likewise if you strengthen evil, then you only create a need for good. This is balance.

So, as Taoists, we're freed from moral obligations? No, not at all. We must recognize something as a standard, and we must recognize that we are always in balance with the tao, whether we flow with it or against it is only a matter of balance.

If we spend our lives being helpful to others, doing deeds that better the lives of those around us, then we will flow with the tao, and find life a little easier. Likewise, if we live our lives being selfish, and ignoring the plight of those around us, helping only ourselves, then we flow against the tao, and things will always seem out of place.

The tao is not actively punishing, or rewarding either case, it is only supplying the balance needed, because it is not free from its own definition.

Its also important to point out that helpful actions are meaningless if they are done without virtue, while helpless actions, while performed with virtue, can be considered helpful in the end. For example, returning a wallet, expecting a reward is not truly helping the owner of the wallet, but finding a credit card on the ground and cutting it up and throwing it away, does in fact help the owner of the card, even if it seems to be a careless action at the time.

Sheesh, don't I do anything but blog?

OK, I accomplished a lot today. Tiled my shower, installed my new vanity, painted my bathroom, watched some of the eagles game, watched a little of the cards/pats game. So, its not like I sit around blogging ALL day. There is something that's been weighing on my mind, and I gots ta blog about it.

Judge Anna Diggs Taylor has just reminded us all why America is the greatest land on earth. Even with our fucked up current administration, we are still a bastion of freedom. Recently we overthrew the governments of afghanistan and iraq, big effin deal. Way to go King George. As Americans, we get to overthrow our government every 4-8 years, and we'll be overthrowing this one very soon.

Back to Judge Taylor. In her recent ruling against warrantless NSA wiretapping, she's brought to light something that has been pushed to the shadows over the last 6 years. Its called the Constitution of the United States of America. She's reminded the administration that in America, there are no monarchies, and there are no dictators, and the only power that any branch of the government has comes from the constitution and only from the constitution. This includes you Georgy, and all of your cronies.

I took the time to read her ruling, and while its written in "judge speak", where apparently you need to reference every single statement that you make, it still reminds us that we still live in the land of the free, and our checks and balances are still in place, and the government still works for the people, and no single man can trump the constitution.

Judge Taylor, I'd like to say thanks for doing your job, which is upholding the constitution of this fine land.

George, I'd like to say "go screw yourself"...mostly because the constitution says I can, and a little because I don't like you.

You've Changed 72% in 10 Years

Compared to who you were ten years ago, you've changed a great deal. In fact, you're probably in a completely different phase of your life - and very happy about it!

How Much Have You Changed in 10 Years?

7 years of Nissan

This month marks the 7 year anniversary of me and the Nissan's relationship. I'm gonna buy it something nice, like a new windshield wiper motor. The Nissan is the longest constant in my life right now. Through thick and thin it has never failed me, and for that, I name today National Nissan Appreciation Day.

7 years ago, I was driving a chevy cavalier that my sister loaned me 600$ to buy(I think I paid her back, thanks sis), the heater core had just failed, and I cut the intake and outflow hoses and ran the heater core itself out of the heating/cooling system. This was a good simple fix, but winter was coming and it was gonna be cold in that car.

At the time, I was running a BBQ joint in a gas station, I had a second job at the gas station itself, and I had a severe gambling problem(thanks jeff starr). I drank too much, and my friends were drunks who liked to start fights in bars in downtown Pittsburgh. I had just started school to try and get my life on track.

One day, I saw the nissan sitting outside the gas station that I worked at, and I knew the guy who owned the car lot(he has since died, survived by the Nissan). He told me it was 8000$, and after doing some rough math, I sold my SWR working man's bass amp stack for the taxes, and bought me a Nissan.

The nissan was my 8th car, and I only had my license for 4 years. Yeah, I had some trouble with vehicles. At the time, I was broke...waaaay broke. The nissan was costing me close to 500$ a month between insurance and car payment. I didn't make much more than that back then, and with my gambling problem, even coming up with that much was usually tough. I made a promise to the nissan back then. I told it that I couldn't afford many problems, and that I was trusting it to run good for a long time. I promised it that as long as it ran well, I'd never sell it, and it would be my car.

Making promises to inanimate objects may sound stupid, but the nissan has kept up its end of the deal, and I try to never break a promise. The nissan doesn't get many double takes from girls, its not flashy, and its not fast. It doesn't go off road, and its not going to impress my friends. It just does its job, and it does it well. I could get a better car, a newer car, a car that would impress people, but why? The nissan and I go way back, I know it inside and out, every part that's been replaced, every squeak, rattle, and whurrr. We're old friends, and it'll stay that way for a while.

Titleless Blog

It was a toss up between buying fight night round 3, or tomb raider. I chose fight night round 3 for some reason. I figure I'll buy tomb raider somewhere down the road when fight night and chrome hounds get old. That actually doesn't seem like a possibility, fight night is an awesome game. The controls are unique and fun, and then graphics are pretty good too.

I remember mike tysons punch out back in the day. It wasn't much of a boxing game, you could lean left or right, jab, hook, and uppercut. You never saw the front of your guys bodies, and each enemy would do something crazy before throwing a punch. Fun game, but my how far we've come. Fight night round 3 is really an awesome game, the controls are smooth and make sense, and you can't "button mash" to do well either. Combos have to be smooth, and punches have to be well placed.

Definitly a recommended buy.

Now here's where I screwed up. I often buy more than one video game at a time, because there is so much crap released these days that you never know if a game is going to be any good. Chrome hounds was the second game I bought. Also, the first game I played. Also an extremely good game, every bit as fun as fight night. The problem is that I have 2 GREAT games to play, and only like 6 days until madden 07 comes out. Oh, the cruelty of the world.

I need to adapt a polyphasic sleeping pattern or something so I can be awake for 20 hours a day.

Get wise to nutrition.

I've decided to take my sister's advice and start a separate nutrition blog. It will contain little facts that I've learned about nutrition and weight loss.

http://delinx32-nutrition.blogspot.com/

I don't recall ever owning a droid.

So, I opened my xbox 360 box, and it was even packaged sexy. I took 2 components off of home entertainment rack and replaced them with the xbox 360. I no longer need my dvd player, or original xbox.

More importantly, when one is staring at a universal remote control with a hefty price tag of 129.99, one expects superb features out of said remote control. The remote itself was sexy, way sexier than the 30 dollar microsoft one. I'm talking about the logitech harmony universal remote control for xbox 360...."what the hell", I say, I'm spending money on my 360 anyway, might as well do it up right.

Now, long ago, my benq pb6200 projector remote broke, and I haven't found a universal remote that would control it...until now. Basically, the logictech harmony is a god amongst remote controls. It doesn't even list model numbers to choose from, you just type a model number and it says "yep, I can do that". It has a nifty usb control cable so you can plug it into your computer and program it directly.

This remote is awesome, worth every penny paid, and I think I currently like it more than the xbox 360 itself. It has a warm and sexy green glow, and the setup utility itself is awesome in its own right.

I programmed every device I have(even my cable box) into one single remote. By pressing "activities->watch tv" on the lcd screen, the remote kicks on my projector, AV receiver, cable box, and navigates my AV receiver to the proper input.

Looking at the remote control, it greets you with a warm "welcome to your remote control" message. How friendly is that? I almost wanted to say "hello remote control, I name you 'little matt junior'".

If you're in the market for a universal remote, and you'd rather buy a diety amongst mice, then buy this remote. Its price tag is minimal for the amount of features that it has.

I'm a dirtbag.

So, I ordered a new ping pong paddle the other day. Its not going to improve my game, but it'll be nice to have a decent new paddle to play with. My other one has seen its day and run its course. Ping pong paddles aren't cheap things. My last one cost like 60 bones, and this one is a solid 90.

I got home today, and my neighbor was sitting on his porch, drunk again, and he was acting suspicious(that's just the way he acts). Immediately, I judged him and felt that something was wrong. I go upstairs and check the tracking on my ping pong paddle, and it says delivered! WTF?! There's no box on my porch and I've got a drunk neighbor sitting next door acting suspicious!

OK, so I go outside, "Hey, did you happen to see a box around here? UPS says they delivered something." This is my passive aggressive voice, its what I use most of the time, I hate conflict, so I try to resolve most disagreements diplomatically through passive aggressiveness.

"Nope, no UPS, just the mailman." Clearly diplomacy isn't working! I'm dealing with a drunk scoundrel! Slime of the earth!

"Are you SURE you didn't see it? It says it was delivered at 4:30, and I don't see it around here." This is my aggressive voice. I'm flatly accusing him of something, but still remaining relatively subtle. Giving him a chance to get out of the situation with honor.

"Nope, no UPS." YOU SONOVABITCH. Now I'm pissed, you stole my 90 dollar ping pong paddle to sell it for 5 dollars worth of crack and you're lying straight to my face about it?!

"Dude, are you sure you didn't grab the box and take it?" OK, now I'm off the hook, baby's on the half tip, I'm over the edge man. You stole my shit, and I'm done playing with you.

"I wouldn't do that!" LYING BASTAGE!

"You stole my lawnmower, and Karen's bench" You set a trend for dishonesty, and I know you stole my shit this time too.

"No, I didn't, I found her bench". Whatever man. What else can I do at this point? Break his knees? I admit that was an option, but I never make rash desicions, so I just stormed into my house to examine my options other than knee breaking and other forms of skull mccracken.

First off, this isn't the way of the tao. That's where my true dissapointment in myself is. I'm upset with myself because I let my temper go, and I judged someone based solely on my feelings towards that person. I never should have pushed the issue farther than asking if he had seen the box.

I went inside to verify the delivery status of the object, unhappy with the results of my interrogation, and there it was, it said "delivered, 4:33, 346 Mclean street, wilkes barre pa 18702." The paddle palace people sent the damn thing to my old address, the address that I received my last paddle at 4 years ago. I called they guy, and the CSR made a data entry error, and didn't ship it to the address that I entered, but used the address in the database instead.

If you act untrustworthy, noone will trust you. I can't blame myself for believing that tommy would steal from me. I'm sure he would, and he already has, but I blame myself for allowing my anger to get the better of me, and put me in a position where I've made a fool of myself, and falsely accused a man to his face.

Stay in your life boats people, its murder out there, sharks patrol these waters.

I couldn't talk myself out of it...

So, my loan check arrived, and now I have a bunch of money that is dedicated to finishing all of the unfinished projects around my house. Of course, the check isn't cleared just yet because the nazi bank institution makes you wait like 5 days or something to clear a check....but when I write a check, they take the money out yesterday. Ridiculous. Oh well, by the end of this week, I should have all my money.

Now I can build that deck that I want, put up a fence, have my landscaping trees removed, put up a new roof, buy an xbox 360, finish my bathroom, build a workbench in the basement, turn my attic into a loft, buy madden 07, re-do my kitchen, rent a rolloff dumpster and clean out the basement/attic/backyard.

See how I slipped the 360 in there with the rest of the stuff? Smooth, eh? Now, my subconcious thinks Home Improvement whenever it hears xbox 360. Its win-win really. I mean, seriously, an xbox-360 WILL improve my home, right?

I'm stoked, tonight on the contender, I finally picked the guy that won. I hate reality TV....seriously. I feel bad for all the people who watch multiple reality shows. At least I'm only stuck on the contender, and not some stupid "find me a midget to marry" show.

OK TIVO users, this ones for you.

It was finally posted on youTube. Watch it, love it.

Blog o'the day

Alot of work goes into choosing my blog for each day. Generally, throughout the day, many many prospective blog topics pass through my brain. Some days, I'm inspired by a new accomplishment of mine, sometimes I'm just plain pissed off, and sometimes its just something stupid, some useless moment in my day. Its easy to pass through life and only remember the important things, like what made you mad, or what made you happy, or whatever, but there are a lot of moments between those memorable moments, and if you're not remembering them, then who is? All things being considered, life is pretty short, and its made up of more fleeting moments than moments that stick with you forever. In the end, I usually pick the funniest, most non-offensive topic that I can to blog about(hey, my parents read this thing).

I used to have a routine that I would do at the beginning of each year. I used to go back in my mind, as far back as I could remember, and remember something from that year of my life, and then progress through all of the years of my life, remembering something from each year of my life. It was supposed to ensure that I would remember my life, even if others weren't paying attention, at least I should...right? I don't do that anymore, but I should. All in all, life is pretty short. My earliest memory is the same now as it ever was. I remember looking up at a piece of driftwood that my parents had decorating our apartment above Nana's store in canonsburg. That's all I remember of the moment, I was very small, obviously, and I'm sure that I had some purpose in looking at the driftwood, but now, only the image remains, as mysterious now as that piece of driftwood must have been all those years ago.

I also remember being with my mother in a creek somewhere. I dunno, all the evidence points to it being swallow falls, but I can't be sure. Its like black and white now, like a memory should be. There are other people there too, another adult woman, who's image is smeared into shadow. I feel like I'm in a basket, floating in the water, but of course I am not. These memories are fading, because I neglected to see their importance at the time.

I see so many people rushing through life, speeding through traffic, down the sidewalk, running from the rain. For some reason, where these people are going is more important than where they are right now. It seems that that is the way with most people. Regardless of where they are, they only think of where they are going.

Its important to know where you're going, only to the extent that you can plan how to get there. After you know your route, its important to remember that the route still needs to be travelled, regardless of how certain the destination is.

If anything, I hope everyone who reads this will take a moment out of their busy lives, and stop, just to remember what they can. What is your earliest memory?

With that being said, I absolutely want to be a french fry.

Later.

Enlightenment

Literally, "the tao", means "the way" or "the path", and it refers to both "the way to live a good and just life", and "the path to enlightenment". It seems that enlightenment is oft described as a moment in ones life when all of the sudden, all of life's questions are answered, and they are ascended into a higher state of conciousness. Whatever dude, that's wacky. I believe that enlightenment describes several moments in one's life, moments when you figure out little things, and over time, all of these little things add up, and they become a much bigger thing.

One could assume that if an engineer knew all of the parts of a machine extremely well, that he could be said to also know the machine itself. I feel that life is a machine, and that understanding the small pieces of it, will eventually lead to understanding the entire nature of it. I think enlightenment is accumulated over the years, and no-one ever realizes that they reach it, because they're "eased" into it.

Recently, I took another step to enlightenment. I was staring in my mirror, combing my hair, and I was having a tough time deciding "part it, or comb it back", and suddenly I realized that it doesn't matter. I'm 6'1" tall, which is "above average", for a person to see the top of my head with any clarity, they'd need to be at least 6'3, if not 6'4. I only know(personally) about 3 people in this world that are tall enough to see the top of my head. With this piece of knowlege in tow, I've gained freedom from worrying about how the top of my head is combed.

Oh, yeah, and MAYBE I DO WANNA BE A FRENCH FRY!

Maybe I do wanna be a french fry!

We'll get to that in a second. First off, wegmans has partially redeemed itself. Why? Because I walked in today needing milk, and they had it right up front, in an easy to find location. I'm sure that they put it there to remind people that they needed it when they were buying their hair gel, and barbeque forks, which were positioned strategically on either side of the milk. Shit faced blind gypsies, I'm telling you.

Over the past year or so, I've heard the same thing from about 75% of the people I know in this world. Each one of them is part of a vast conspiracy, each one of them has been fooled into believing that time-shifted television is better than scheduled television. Each one of them has said the words "You need TIVO" at some point over the past year. That includes my boss, my friends, my coworkers, and even my sister and brother-in-law. I've got news for all y'all(yup, just said "all y'all"). TIVO sucks.

Why do I feel this way? My friends who have TIVO never know whats going on, I have to constantly remind them of season premiers, and even completely new series that look promising(psyche, eureka), AND 95 percent of people with TIVO will not laugh when you utter the words "Maybe I do wanna be a french fry!", with a chicken accent, because they weren't watching the commercials when it came on. Sure, it was nestled(yup, said nestled) in between some kind of "cure my pissing problem" commercial, and an "femanine problem" commercial, but trust me, the chicken commercial is worth the other 1 minute and 30 seconds of my life that was wasted by pharmecutical companies.

Now, I've fallen into the reality TV trap. This sucks badly. I accidentally got hooked on "The Contender", and although I know less about boxing than I know about the dietary patterns of mexican non-migratory flightless birds(and I don't know very much about that at all), I find myself sitting up on my couch screaming things like "Get INSIDE! He's killing you with the jab!", and "Emmer effer, you can't win if you don't punch him!", or "WTF! When he charges you, side-step, then bam-bam, 1-2, MAKE HIM PAY!". Luckily, I watch the contender alone, because I don't really know if that's the kind of stuff you say when someone is boxing, but I seem to have a knack for picking the looser as the guy I want to win.

OK, with that being said...."Maybe I DO wanna be a french fry!"

Later.